vent warning

im gonna talk a bit about how i feel and you may feel bad reading, you are not obligated to read ! it’s not gonna be rainbowy

life and stuff

the last 12 months were… very heavy in emotions. between 12-6mths ago i was very lost and gave myself up to someone that kept me close to them via unorthodox ways. that was very shit. as of one month ago, in april, i blocked them. they’re really not a good influence on anybody’s life. i guess i wanted to try stuff, so yeah. that’s mainly why i went with them. we were never actually a couple but it was some weird dependency relationship that forced me to stay, it’s abhorrent. anyways.

i met someone else in the beginning of 2026. such a good person. his presence helped me sever myself from the abusive dude. we started spending time together. then he told me he loved me. it was weird because i did not know “love” before; i had been pretty lonely until now, and i was fine with it. we started dating. first month was perfect and i was high on love and serotonin every hecking day.
but then issues in his personal life made him progressively more depressed, with no direct sight of any improvments. i tried, i really tried for us to stay together, but he didn’t want to hurt me in any way; and because he was not doing well, he thought he may do stupid shit that would hurt me. (he also later said he needed more time to discover who he was)
and that feels so bad because despite that i’m still so attached to him. i don’t know how to handle it, if i should stop interacting alltogether ? i need my heart to move on; i can’t be sad all the time, that just sucks.

if you wanna cry a bit btw, here’s a small excerpt from a conversation we had :

did i do something the wrong way ?
i gotta learn from my experiences x’)
[…] me

you were perfect him

[we talked a little more]

[citing his message] nah, seriously still, i’m really clumsy, aren’t i ? xD me

yeaaah but you’re caring
and invested in it him

i don’t know how to not be clumsy me

well honestly don’t change
that’s part of your charm
i liked that him

and now i myself am crying again lol wheeee

shit’s shit :3