hellowo

Okay so i’ve had a few days where i had my home for myself. It’s usually not the case because I live at my mother’s right now, for an internship.
She went on a short holiday with two other extended family members. She wanted me to come too saying that it would change my ideas and stuff but I really didn’t want to - currently the last thing I need is more exposure to family members, having to pretend everything’s fine, being in a hurry, etc. So I stayed home. and I’m having a blast lol.

I put my setup (which consists of my laptop, lol) in the living room, where there is a little more space (and where it’s fresher) than my bedroom, brought my VR headset, an air mattress, and profited from being able to be noisy, without shame, without the pressure of having to be available for my mother and/or her walking in lol.
That also means I am not currently eating correctly and my sleep schedule is all over the place, but hey, that’ll not last long, so whatever.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in VR, and most of that in VRChat _{yadda yadda there’s bad people on there ofc but I feel confident enough it is fine}.
I’ve met a few cool people and stuff (an english group) (they’re about 20 members in total, i did not meet them all) and they integrated me to their friend group after 1.5 irl days lmao. Which i mean, means that I probably felt friendly and/or cool or whatever to them, which is good !
BUT- I have impostor syndrome here too cuz. I mean this is not my only friends group. I cannot invest a constant amount of time in every single one. Mind you, i’m already in a few friends group where i have not talked for a loooong time, because i feel like i let my chance go and they won’t just be ok with me popping in like a lil flower “haiiii”. anyhow.
and yeah… idk what im supposed to tell them or how theyll react to me deadass saying “i have other friends group and i cant really spend much time here” :skullemoji:.
Plus. i won’t even be remotely as available as i was the past days cuz i con’t be alone at home anymore and the chores and the eating at “regular” hours (theyre more regular than mine, but still not fixed and feel kinda random; i can’t plan in a three hour window where the eating will be lol) so yeah. idk whta to do. amogus